El Murcielago

I guess she was a Russian masseuse, and she gave me a massage at dinner for like, 15 minutes. It was kinda awkward, but it felt good. –Sean

I got arrested for Driving While Mexican. –Andrew

I’m playing Playstation. I got my wish! -Andrew

Did you make PB&Js for us, Ruston? -Andrew

From my hand with love. –Ruston

Did you do crusties? -Andrew

You are too old not to be eating your crusts. –Ruston

Go fill your bellies with joy and gladness. –Sean

We gotta have a blooper reel. We have enough content already. –Carlos

It helps me get up, cuz you’re so young and violent. –Andrew

Why not? It’s a bat anyway. –Antonio

Why is this not working? -Byron

On switch. –Sean

Sometimes, I jump up and shake the world. –Andrew

You rock Rusty’s world. –Troy

That’s why I’m here. –Andrew

You can get a lot of things from Indonesia in a blank package. –Andrew

Are you an actress? -Andrew

Cuz I’ve got a part for you. –Ruston

Back off with the bat, dude. –Andrew

This is MOS, so you don’t have to slate it. –Byron

Do you want me to slate it? -Troy

That is not necessary. –Byron

I’m trying to be as tall as you, and it’s not doing anyone any good. –Ruston

You just need to be a super cocky son of a bitch. –Sean

That’s what we should do with this film. Screw the bat. Suddenly, we all turn into X-Men! Mex-Men! I have jalapeno juice shooting out my fingers. Qssssss! -Andrew

No, you’re more like the Hulk. You’re big. I’m more like Wolverine, cuz I’m little. And I’m cute. –Andrew

Little less overacting with your shoulder, please. –Troy

These stupid things are so flimsy. –Byron

Fantastic Mr. Fox is hardly in the shot. –Sean

Oh, my brain. –Sean

You’ve got a brain? -Troy

Yeah. –Sean

It hurts? -Troy

A little. –Sean

I’m a tough guy, but you’re a little big. –Andrew

I’m trying to play big. Is it working? -Troy

Now if only we had a blasted c-stand. –Byron

That’s what we have you for, Byron. –Sean

The human c-stand. –Byron

Who released the bugs early? -Troy

This is a horror film. –Ruston

Dracula. The original bat-man. –Shiloh

All the batteries decided to die at the same time. –Sean

You’re little b.a., and I’m big b.a. –Carlos

Don’t sit on it! -Andrew

Should you be so violent towards me? -Andrew

He’s already beat me up, and then he gets all up in my grill. –Andrew

He doesn’t like you. There’s nothing I can do about it. What did you do to him? -Ruston

That was disgustingly awesome. –Sean

Disgustingly awesome? -Byron

Yeah. –Sean

Is everything blowing your mind right now? -Byron

You guys talk a lot of babble. –Carlos

That line is over! I never have to worry about it again. –Andrew

I’m so scared! This big Mexican’s gonna kill me! -Andrew

That made the makeup girl happy. –Andrew

Are we gonna get the carpets cleaned, after all this spit? -Troy

Fake spit. –Ruston

Don’t mouth off, sonny boy. –Carlos

Watch your tongue, sonny jim. –Andrew

Stop hittin’ buttons. –Sean

I’m afraid Nicholas is gonna stick his fishhook in my nose. –Andrew

You’re a magical worker. –Sean

You might have time to shoot an alternate ending. –Jeff

With a unicorn. –Ruston

He grabbed me and dug into me with his fingernails. –Andrew

But you like it! You told him to do it. –Claudia

I don’t like it like that! -Andrew

You pinched my chi-chis. You chi-chi pincher. –Andrew

Whoa, that’s a cat. –Sean

See Sean? I told you 80 watts. And you thought I was just being a smart ass. –Andrew

No, that was me. –Ruston

You ready to practice, homie? -Ruston

Is that how you break your lips? You fall? -Claudia

I hurt ok. It’s a good pain. –Andrew

He called you badass, and I think he meant it in a good way. –Troy

This is our git-r-done lens. –Sean

He came to America to play baseball, and along the way he found a bat. –Troy

I thought this was supposed to be a horror. –Shiloh

It’s a feel-good horror. –Ruston

Yes, that’s me. I am the schedule man. –Jordan

It’s probably gonna get stolen out of my car. Did you lock my car? -Sean

. . . Probably not. –Ruston

So realistic, it even shook the camera. –Sean

My prediction is that today will not be a good day for quotes. –Jeff

Where’s that flag? -Sean

I threw it out. I got tired of holding it yesterday. –Troy

Sorry. I’m a bad slater. –Ruston

I’ve never been bit by a monkey, but I have kicked a monkey. –Jordan

I’m a vegan-arian. –Jordan

Elementary kids should not be viewing cannibalism as part of the curriculum. –Jordan

I think I was cutting your head off a little bit. –Sean

Is that annoying? -Troy

If I say yes, you’re going to keep doing it. –Shiloh

Pointing is the worst form of blame. –Jordan

Go fix the toilet, Jordan. –Sean

Waiting on toilet. –Sean

I’m the man Claudia’s cheating with. –Troy

You’re supposed to be hiding in the closet. –Claudia

I like it. –Sean

I love it. –Ruston

Do we want some more of it, or do we want to move on? -Jordan

We found it to be more helpful to have the camera running when we shoot. –Ruston

It’s like rainbow barf in my brain. –Jordan

Let me set this down here so it can set the floor ablaze. –Sean

Aw, Jesus is shiny. –Ruston

Turn the frickin’ air conditioning on. –Troy

She’s tender like a peach. –Troy

We’ll have to move that dolly . . . dolly-dolly thing. –Sean

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. –Troy

What doesn’t kill you doesn’t kill you. -Shiloh

What doesn’t kill you just hurts for days. –Ruston

Does Maria know her blocking? -Jordan

If by blocking you mean how to vacuum. –Troy

Do you want me to make that vacuum easier to push for her? It looks a little . . . binding. –Troy

In my other life, before I was a holy cow. –Troy

How did it look? Did it look awesome? -Ruston

I think it looked old school. –Sean

How many dolly shots do we have? -Jordan

Not enough. –Sean

Well, that’s not good. –Sean

He totally looks like Fidel. –Claudia

We’re losin’ people left and right here, Shiloh. What the hell? -Sean

Can we get that flag in there? -Sean

Sorry, Jeff distracted me. It’s his fault. –Shiloh

And we’re rehearsaling. –Jordan

Go bust his ass, Jordan. –Sean

Whenever I don’t like what you say, I’m just gonna make funny faces at you. –Jordan

Oh look! Real pizza! -Shiloh

Gimme some chicken! -Jordan

A real man always takes care of his shoes. –Antonio

3 is a better word than 5. And by word, I mean number. –Jordan

Do you think sand bags grow on trees? -Ruston

We have gaff tape. And Shiloh has Elmer’s glue. –Jordan

That is a crazy lady. –

That would be awesome beyond awesomeness. –Sean

I almost pooped my heart out just now. –Jordan

Did you just say you pooped your heart out? -Sean

I sure did. –Jordan

I’m gonna go sit by the zombie now. –Jordan

That’s pretty cool. Pretty dangerous, but that’s probably why it’s cool. –Jordan

We forgot about you. Or we just don’t care. –Jordan

I screamed ‘No’ again. Your favorite line. –Claudia

Oh earwigs. I hate to kill you, but it has to be done. –Jordan

The temperature’s just so much more pleasant in the middle of the night. –Ruston

Only gringos wear bathrobes. –Carlos

You wrote it man! It’s in the script! -Jordan

I was really drunk when I wrote that script. –Ruston

It’s late. I’m just gonna do stuff. –Sean

Carlitos. –Claudia

Carlitos? Oh, that’s a little Carlos. –Jordan

Just because something is small doesn’t mean it’s cute. –Jordan

But Jordan, it’s small and fuzzy. Pet him – he’s super soft. –Shiloh

I stand corrected. –Jordan

Whoa. He does stink. If you get close enough, he smells just like a dead bat. –Jordan

Close is how I like it. Ready is how I like it more. –Ruston

Do you guys want me to close the door? It looks like it’s getting a little personal in there. –Sean

I would like you to sit under the air conditioner. –Ruston

Why? Do I look hot? -Troy

I want you too. And I’m the director, so you have to do what I say. –Ruston

What the Doritos? -Troy

You’re a little too bouncy and happy. –Ruston

There was a foreign object in the shot. It was the director. –Sean

You just can’t leave it at funny. You have to take it to gross. –Ruston

You guys ready to move on? -Jordan

Actually, we just finished shooting the movie. –Sean

It’ll feel better when it stops hurting. –Jordan

Oh my gosh, there’s pizza in here! -Shiloh

Don’t eat it! -Jordan

Why not? -Shiloh

Just . . . ok. –Jordan

Scene sexy, take 1. –Troy

Be careful. *Antonio starts manhandling Mauricio* DON”T SHAKE HIM! -Shiloh

You'll give it shaken batty syndrome. -Jordan

Did you move the camera? -Ruston

Nooo? -Sean

I did it when I was up there with the slate. I did it with my mind. –Troy

You have mind hands? -Jordan

I wash my hair every other day. –Carlos

That’s good enough for some people. –Ruston

Is he supposed to have bullet holes in his back? A little continuity problem there. –Jeff

We should have had me play James. I’m the adopted one. Could have made it a comedy. –Troy

Somebody tell a joke. –Sean

*awkward silence*

Ok, I got a joke. –Antonio

Nope, we’re ready to shoot. –Sean

Save it til later. –Ruston

Wait. We’ve got attack of the boom shadow here. –Sean

That’s getting old, isn’t it. –Troy

Nope, it’s just as funny as it was the first time. Unfortunately. –Ruston

Being wrong is bad. –Ruston

You can write that down. –Ruston

If he said “What the hell,” then it wasn’t while his wife was here. –Ruston

We don’t want an unexpected hello. –Sean

Oh, I’m over that. –Carlos

Everyone still awake and alive in here? *no reply* Good. –Sean

Where’s the bat? I need to make a wish. I wish I had a Pepsi. –Troy

Cue the train. –Ruston

Let’s blow this. –

We’re blowing it as fast as we can. –

I just saw someone walking by. –Antonio

It was your zombie. –Zak

It’s creepy as hell out there. –Tim

Slate in. Angry birds out. –Sean

What does that mean? -Ruston

Let’s put our thinking caps on. –Ruston

Overall, this has been . . . not bad at all. –Ruston

Is this the zombie suit? I like it. –Tim

Imagine you have tendonitis in every joint. And then you got kicked in the groin. –Tim, on walking like a zombie

Call me Jordan. -Troy

Jordan 2.0? -Sean

Way to go director. –Sean

In the words of Bela Lugosi, “Let’s shoot this mother f-er.” -Tim

I want ‘Zombie Expert’ as my credit on this film. –Tim

You have a friend! -Sean

Are you shooting day for night? -Jeff

We’re shooting evening for evening. –Ruston

Oh, my Mexicans. –Shiloh

Hey Andrew, could you go hit those guys with your shovel? -Ruston

Andrew, he looks white, and you just look Mexican. –Sean

A way I can look any less Mexican? No. –Andrew

We want this photo for our house. –Andrew

You have a house together? -Sean

No, our separate houses. I just want this photo for my house. –Andrew

Now, go get that white boy’s legs, cuz they’re starting to turn red. –Andrew

Freestyle. It’s freestyle. –Sean

Is that what they’re calling it now? -Shiloh

We can move the generator. -Sean

Don't tell me what to do. -Troy

I’m a train wreck, man. They oughta make a show about me. –Andrew

Some people take that really the wrong way. –Andrew

I know I do. –Ruston

Gettin’ a shot of those boots? -Richie

Yep. I’m facebookin’ these boots. –Andrew

Colorado people are awesome. –Andrew

Imagine an elevator in Mexico. That's what it's gonna sound like. -Troy

Hit him with a shovel. He’s not dead yet. –Troy

He’s still moving! -Richie

Get a little closer. –Sean

To each other. –Ruston

Hey Carlos, you need a little more bug spray? -Troy

No. –Carlos

Then stop moving! -Troy

K, quiet on the freeway! -Ruston

Our first successful sound slate. It only took three hours. –Sean

Stop breathing, chico! -Andrew

Can the shovel come down a little bit? I want to see the back of your beautiful . . . head. –Sean

You can relax now. –Ruston

He is relaxing – he’s asleep. –Sean

That foot’s makin' me nervous. –Sean

We’re gonna get a little personal, Carlos. We’re gonna be putting hands all over you, man. –Richie

You could use my nickname. Smooth. –Troy

I’ve never heard you called that. –Ruston

Oh, really? -Troy

If I came across a corpse that was bleeding from every facial orifice, I don’t know if my first thought would be to rob it. –Shiloh

It’s probably a cultural thing. –Troy

I smell like deet. –Sean

You look like deet. –Ruston

Have you guys robbed anyone before? Cuz that looked like it came really naturally. –Troy

Where are the water bottles? -Richie

They’re in the water. –Andrew

Lift your left leg up for me there. This is gonna get a little awkward. –Sean

It’s burger time! -Jeff

Slate in! -Ruston and Sean

Oh, is that me? -Troy

Are the Red Vines gone? -Sean

The Red Vines are gone. –Richie

I only had like, 12. –Sean

Just talkin’ to myself. I do that late at night. –Sean

Don’t do that again. –Troy

That was the raddest rehearsal ever. –Sean

Hey there, low-rider. –Sean

I’m just gonna follow the train tracks back to Provo. –Jeff

We are gonna be able to see facial features, right? -Andrew

Negative. And by that I mean, yeah. That’s right. –Sean

We’ll have to spread ‘em. Otherwise it looks like he’s about to get run over by a train. –Sean

When it’s dark, it’s hard to see stuff. I know we all know that, but it’s really true. –Sean

I don’t really know what I’m doing. –Ruston

Really? -Troy

He’s got some skills, he’s just not very skilled in this particular area. –Troy

There are gloves in the bag. –Troy

Are you serious? -Sean

Yeah. They’re right here. –Troy

Ruston! -Sean

Just pay 'em the foam fee. There's gotta be a foam fee. -Sean

The only thing glamorous about making movies is telling people that you make movies. –Ruston