Peter Pan

Somebody let Tink outta that jug please. –Ward
She has to tinkle. –Tim

Don’t write a letter, just come talk to me. If that comment offended you. –Tim

Are they a union or something? -Mike

I’m gonna get so slap happy. –Shelby

Michael and John are the deepest sleepers ever. –Mallory

Square knot. Square knot! -Shelby

Don’t tie them so tight, or you’ll get gangrene in your legs. –Pat

Is there anything that can be done to make Shadow look less like chocolate? -Tim

It’s a new idea for Tinkerbell. What do you think? -Doug
What is? -Shiloh
Snow. –Mallory

In this London, in a strange alternate universe . . . –Shiloh
It’s like a Dr. Who episode. –Shelby

Does it bother you that you can see the flight line? -Lindsi
Yes. –Mike

Wendy, can you go back to bed? -Mike

I’ma kick you. –Lindsi

It’s just not very magical. –Michael
Wait til you see Hook. He’s magical. –Shelby

My fairy dust fell off. –Bronwyn

Were you a boy scout? -Mike
Yes. I’m a five time eagle black belt. –Shelby

Sparkles. Everywhere. –Joseph

Go Joseph! -Pat
So much for realignment. –Doug

Just forget what we just saw. –Brad

Mike, I can’t see their faces. Mike, I can’t see their faces . . . I was just kidding Mike. It’s awful quiet over there. –Tim
I have no comeback. –Mike
You’re just stupefied by my ignorance. –Tim

Can you carry it in with the dog in it? -Mike

We’re watching the movie again. Yay movie. –Lindsi

Do you want me to say anything? -Bronwyn
Yeah. Something brilliant. –Tim

SQUEEEE! -Joseph
You don’t need your shins. –Shelby

That stupid left boot. Right boot. –Shelby

Somebody please help Ari. You can push or pull her. –Shelby

That’s beautiful! -Lindsi
Except for she’s flashing everybody. –Shelby

We can’t lose it. It’s cheap, and I love cheap. –Tim

I realize we’re putting 25 people in a Volkswagen. –Tim
I’m just glad it’s a yurt. –Shelby

Remind me to never eat green cake. –Sam

I like to scare children. Is that not what the concept was? -Shelby

Can we have a bit more separation between the strange men behind the tree and you guys? -Tim

Am I being punished for something? -Sean

Please don’t kick the lighting designer into the pit. –Lindsi
That wouldn’t be a very bright idea. –Tim
Because he’s the lighting designer. –Lindsi
You don’t have to label my jokes, Lindsi. –Tim

This is yours. I should shut up. Neever maind. –Tim

Slinky trees! -Shelby

Somebody stole a tree. –Lindsi

Ivan, I love how you sparkle! -Lindsi
Like diamonds. –Shelby
In the rough. –Shiloh
That’s what I was thinking! -Mallory

Benjamin, I wish you were my bishop. That’s such a pretty picture. –Tim

Look at that jacket. Look at that jacket! -Shelby
What a hottie. –Mallory

Somebody’s head’s in the way. I think it’s Troy’s. Hi Troy. –Lindsi
Hi fathead. –Mike

Hook, you are in your spot too early. –Lindsi
I…ok. –Ivan

It’s like Despicable Me! -Doug

Are you a fairy? -Mallory
*nodding enthusiastically* -Shannon
Did you die? -Mallory
*nodding sadly with a pouty face* -Shannon
Did you come back to life? -Shiloh
*nodding happily* -Shannon
Are you a zombie fairy? -Shiloh
*jumping up and down with glee* -Shannon

You should just paint her whole face yellow. And then paint the orange lines. –Mallory
Yes! That is a brilliant idea! -Shiloh

I have a bump in my leg. And by bump, I mean dent. Which is the opposite. –Shelby

That was the four chirps. –Lindsi
That’s all I get? -Ivan

Matt, are you ok? -Lindsi
I’m fine. My head is full of blood. –Matt

That sounded good. –Doug
It was a costume designer falling over. –Mike

You shush the slosh. –Tim

Oh. It wasn’t supposed to stop. –Troy

I could not see you for . . . anything. –Ivan

Smee is pregnant?! -Ivan

Maybe it’s a different one each time. That would be more funner. –Tim

That terrifies me. –Kris

I’m going to die. –Bronwyn

The crocodile has swallowed a young girl! -Doug

You’re kinda high maintenance, Amy. Just want you to know that. –Tim

Peter’s the bomb. –Tim

It’s not the triplets. –Mallory
It’s 2/3 of them. –Shiloh

Please know that every time fairy dust gets sprinkled on you, you squeal. Every time. It’s an actual reaction. I do it too. –Tim

Is she wearing the nightgown underneath? -Mallory
Yes. But you’re not sure. She’s been wearing the same thing for 30 years. “This is the last thing Peter saw me in.” -Shelby

Shadow’s kind of terrifying. –Shelby

Friend, those are not blacks. –Lindsi
. . . I know? -Shiloh

Good curtain speech. Good clean, fresh, and fragrant. –Janet

This is gonna be kinda disturbing. –Landon

We just thought she died, that’s all. –Debbie

Taylor, get off the stage! -Shiloh
Oi! -Shelby

Bronwyn, I want you to breathe somewhere. –Gayle
I’ve been breathing! -Bronwyn

And this is where Rufio flies in. –Janell

Get your hands off me! -Joseph

Do you want some chips? I got them in a time capsule. They’re 40 years old. –Janell

John, can you really fly? -Lindsi
Not yet. –Bronwyn

*singing* I have a place where dreams are born . . . –Janell
You do? -Mallory

Hoffman still gives me nightmares. –Shelby

My voice is very loud. –Lindsi

Don’t worry. These Twizzlers are low-fat. –Doug

Are you guys getting silly? -Donnette
Not on purpose. –Shiloh

The logic in Neverland is not quite there. –Mallory

How did they get a newspaper in Neverland? Don’t think about it too hard. –Mallory

He could use his other hand. Oh, wait. –Janell

You read my mind! -Shiloh
Actually, I was too scared to go there. –Doug
As you should be. –Shiloh

It’s so SPARKLY I’m gonna DIE! -Shelby

Boy, can he prance. –Mallory
He loves it. –Shelby

Brooding temptress in the corner there. –Mallory

Her hair’s completely flat. –Mallory
I knowwww. *sniff* -Shiloh
It’s kinda cute. –Shelby

I came to watch the fights. If we ever get to them. –Ward

Do you hear the sound of AWESOME COMING FROM THE PIT? -Shiloh

What would Slightly do with fairy dust in London? -Shelby
Um . . . they have to get to London. –Mallory
O_o -Shelby

So it looks like Tiger Lily drank it. –Shelby
And by Tiger Lily, she means Tinkerbell. –Mallory

I do believe in fairies! -Shelby
Thank you, Shelby. –Lindsi

That’s the way pine trees get it on. Through pinecones. –Abe

That’s funny. Creepy, but funny. –Mallory

You died. It’s ok. –Matt

Your mouth-words are too much for by brain. –Kelsey

Red tape, darlin’. –Kelsey

He’s all, “Oh my word, I was trying to seduce a little boy!” -Shiloh
It’s not the first time. –Kelsey

I never buy treats. People just force them upon me. –Bronwyn

I’m just so happy right now. –Gayle

I like being the dirty one. –Abe
Yeah, we know. You stick your hands in your pants. –Kelsey

People wear black ties with white collars, and it’s like killing babies. –Shelby

Is everybody ready to get into places? -Lindsi
I am! -Ivan

The black ones keep trying to escape! –Kelsey

Rosa, if you would not bump into the furniture please. –Tim

Sorrow for the laser. –Shannon

Parrot. It’s what’s for dinner. –Ivan

I’m destined to be in Rambo V! -Matt

Maybe it’ll be good method acting. –Kelsey

I am really over getting kidnapped. –Sam

You know me. Mean, but funny. –Shiloh
Oh my gosh! If you were a car, that would be your bumper sticker! Or license plate! . . . or if you were a person that would be your catchphrase. –Kelsey

I’m going to cry my pants off tonight. Literally cry my pants off. –Kelsey

Tinkerbell! Come on! -Kris
I will . . . I will blind you. –Shannon

I have a sore groin. –Abe
You are a sore groin. –Shiloh

Guys, be quiet. You’re getting notes. Or compliments. –Lindsi

I just asked ‘THAT’ to do my makeup. –Kenzie, talking about the triplets

Who would have thought Captain Hook’s hair would be so soft? -Kelsey
I condition. –Ivan

I don’t know, but did they hear me swear? -Jillian

Find a cookie, pick it up. Eat it, and you’ll get some fantastical disease and die. –Mari

If you cut my hair, I will cut you in the night with a dull spoon. –Mallory

I like it when you’re down here. It’s very calming. You have a calming influence. –Daysha

You’re not allowed to be gorgeous and successful. –Kat

Did anybody warn Hook that Teddy’s head is tentatively attached? -Mallory

ASIANS!! -Mallory

You should say, ‘I know this girl, and by this girl I mean me, and you should ask her out.’ -Kelsey
That sounds like something Mallory would say. –Kourtney

I’m gonna touch your legs. Because I can. –Mallory
Ok. –Shiloh

Shannon, cover your ears. –Abe

I think I’m wearing underwear. –

I like your purple scarf. –Mallory
I like you . . . a lot. –Sarah

Weren’t you watching me last night? -Kelsey
Yes, but then you started, ‘Oh, my life is so terrible!’ -Mallory

Does that mean I can go home now? -Kelsey
NO! -Ivan

You’re a limpet. –Shiloh
I don’t know what that means. –Kelsey

If you lie to me, I will punch you in your face. –Kelsey

We vetoed Chili’s. But we still wanna go out. –Bronwyn

I have no idea what you just said. –Shiloh

Why did no one tell me about the group of boys behind me?! -Shiloh
‘Cuz it’s funnier that way. –Kelsey
I figured if I could see them, so could you. –Mallory
I’m BACKWARDS!! -Shiloh

You’re covered in dirt, and your cleavage is sparkling. –Matt

Say something funny! -Kelsey
You know, I try. –Sean

I like how I see my name in here so much. –Mallory
And by your name, you mean my name. –Kelsey

Let’s have Abe teach us something in Mexican. –Ivan

*singing* You do it to yourself, that’s why it hurts so much. –Sean
Coming to you, ‘Singles by Jukes.’ -Ivan

That’s so offensive! -Sean
That’s what you did on stage all night. –Melanie

Her name’s Melissa. –Mallory
No, it’s not. –Shiloh
Yeah. Ivan’s wife. –Mallory
No, that’s not who said it. It was the other Mallorie. –Shiloh
There’s another Mallorie? -Mallory
Yeah. The blonde. –Shiloh
There’s a blonde? -Mallory

I don’t care about my gravy, I want my dessert! -Sam

Eat Jillian’s! She doesn’t even want it! I want it! -Sam

You are a lucky girl right now. –Matt

That man in the glasses down there. He’s paying for me. –Sean

Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island? You foul temptress. –Matt

That just exploded in my mouth. –Shiloh

I’ll have more time to tell everyone, ‘No. You suck. Get off stage.’ -Ivan

You’re wearing that? You whore. –Ivan

Tomorrow, vocal rest. No talking. –Ivan
Bull. –Sean

I did not order white wine. And if I did, I didn’t get white wine. –Sean
There’s been a mistake. I want my white wine. –Ivan

Now, the real question is, am I going to get up in the morning? And go to church? -Ivan
Well, you have like, 12 hours to sleep, so if you’re having trouble getting up . . . –Sean
You didn’t answer my question. –Ivan

Hey, what does that sign say? Gay Club? Oh. Jazz Club. –Ivan

What does that sign say? Gaty Club? -Kelsey
Jazz Club. –Shiloh
Hey, she did it too! -Ivan

Goodbye, Fluff! -Ivan

Do you cobble? -Shannon
Yes. –Kat
Do you cobble in Copenhagen? -Kelsey
Yes, I do. –Kat
Are you Hans Christian Anderson? -Kelsey

You wear glasses? -Joseph

What does Wendy say? -Abe
She’s right beside you. –Jordan
Oh. What do you say? -Abe

Can I be like, a whale mermaid? Mwoowaaaah! -Mallory

I look like a flasher. –Rosa

Do you know what Kelsey just did? -Shannon
I bit her. –Kelsey
She bit me! -Shannon

I missed the conversation! I’m sorry; I got distracted by Lady Gaga. –Kourtney

The square root of raspberry should be legalized. –Kelsey

You look lost, Rosa. –Mallory
She is a Lost Boy. –Kelsey

This is my excited face. –Kelsey
It looks like your constipated face. –Shiloh
No, this is my constipated face. –Kelsey
You look like that all the time. –Shiloh
I know. –Kelsey
Dear Kelsey. I knew you were full of shit. –Shiloh

I’m laughing so hard, my tears hurt. –Kelsey

Speaking of Captain Hook, he just showed up. –Shiloh
FALSE! He is still Mr. Darling. –Kourtney

I did it myself. With my hand. And a paintbrush. And paint. And his face. But other than that, it was by myself. –Kelsey

Bend over! -Megan

We have a bleeding Indian. –Mallory
Tell her to deal with it! -Sarah

Someday, I’ll be the crocodile in this play. That is my goal in life. –Kourtney

Is that the mimicking dance game we played at Stage Door? ‘Cuz I hate that game. –Shannon

I’m starving. Is anybody else starving? -

Peter Pan dresses like a girl. –little boy

You’re turning into a diva. I don’t know what happened. –Kourtney
He started out a diva. –Shiloh

Sarah, you disgust me. –Shiloh
I do what I can. –Sarah

Oh my gosh, I have a pocketful of bobby pins. –Kelsey
I thought you had a pocketful of sunshine. –Shannon

Why are you walking like that? -Mallory
Does it embarrass you? -Kelsey

I found it on my shoe, then I put it on my face. –Kelsey

I’m not impressed with your attitude. –Kris
I’m not impressed with your makeup. –Shannon

Joseph, you’re such a blonde. –Sam

I vote field trip. –Sean

You should sleep with your own wife. –Kat
Can I sleep with other people’s wives? -Shiloh
No. Sleep with your own wife. –Kat
But. . .she’s boring sometimes. –Shiloh

We sexy-fied that song. –Kat

Quick! Fix Jillian’s face. –Sam
What’s wrong with my face? -Jillian

8 a.m. in the morning? It’s like 8 p.m. at night. Except opposite. –Sarah

Oh c’mon! Tell us who is at fault! -Sean

Happy intermission to you too. –Bronwyn

You have to go to bed. –Sam

Just because he’s a little boy, doesn’t mean it’s ok to lie to him. –Sam

I just wanna smack that boy. Repeatedly. With a stick. –Mallory

I love that shirt! We’re almost matching, except not really. –Shannon

I feel very into getting what I want right now. –Sam

I am done, except for this. –Joseph
So. . .you’re basically done, except for your face. –Shiloh

I didn’t put that much effort into my makeup tonight. –Abe
I can tell. –Shannon

I don’t understand why you didn’t understand when I said it was Peter Pan on acid. –Lindsi

Tinkerbell. . .my. . .sweet. -Abe

She has the attention span of a goldfish. –Mallory

You think she’s a treasure? She’s the ugliest dog we’ve ever had. –Ivan

What happened? -Kris
It got washed. –Jordan

Did you get that from American Apparel? It even smells of the paint! -Kris

Who’s the slimiest? -Hook
I am. –Jona

I want to take advantage of your sexy jungle hair. –Loren

Last night when I went to brush my teeth, I put soap on my toothbrush. –Kelsey

I don’t like pixies. They’re like bastard fairies. –Shannon

I have a disease, and it’s catching. –Mari

Apparently, I’m emotionally dead. I have no feelings. –Kenzie

That’s called coveting. –Taryn
You know, I like you, so you can insult me all you like. –Shae

All right, super monkeys. Let’s do this. –Ivan

Is that for me? -Reba
The last thing you need is a rice krispie treat. –Loren

Why do you look so hot? -Loren
I’m going to lunch after the show. With Brad Pitt. –Reba
No, I’m going with Brad Pitt. He just texted me. –Loren

Where’s Kelsey? She can’t even move. –Shannon

Ahh-ha! Dirty Kelsey. –Ivan

I was George Sarat once. –Abe

Can you do my hair now? -Sam
I have to wash my hands. –Shannon
No, just leave it in. I’ll be a brunette today. –Sam

Can you paint my cord? -Matt
I’m in really high demand right now. –Shannon
Can you do it or not? -Matt
She’s with me now. –Sam

Rip your skin off. –Shiloh
Or your soul. –Mallory

When in doubt, do the hokey-pokey. –Mallory

Eww, rice poop! Wait. . .I meant to say mice poop. –Kelsey

You can’t unsee these things! -Kelsey
Why would you want to? -Shiloh

Lost Boys, get out of our picture. –Kenzie

Wendy better watch out. –Shannon

You guys are like a cult. –Jessica

Can we seriously kidnap Wendy? -Kelsey

I feel like I’m having a baby. Ok, not really, but I feel like I look like I’m having a baby. –Kenzie

I thought Daysha’s shirt said ‘You’re my Unspiration,’ and I was like. . .’Oh. That’s negative.' -Shelby

Are you guys still doing this show? -Tim

Are you going to have someone professional do it, or are you going to scalp yourself? -Tim
Well, Shiloh’s here. –

Quiet guys. We’re praying. –Lindsi

Make yourself at home. –Mr. Darling
Where’s the bathroom? -Lost Boy

What can’t Peter do? -
Make chicken McNuggets. –Rosa
Is there even a market for that in Never-Never Land? -Mari

I think I need falsh eyelashes because my eyes are getting drowned out. –Mari, a.k.a. Dancing Waters

Why do you have such awesome shadows? -Mari
Because I’m part Cherokee. –Shannon
Actually, I think the real question is, why do you have such an awesome face? -Shiloh

We need more time. –Mike
Do you believe in fairies? -Rodger